More Fun with Hypocrisy

TRUTH IN HUMOR?

blog posting by Shaun Groves:

Evangelicals decided in about 1976 that Jesus' earthly ministry was essentially political and that he had intended to take over the Roman government precinct by precinct, using "get out the vote" drives and putting voter guides in synagogues each November. He was thwarted by a run-in with Roman authorities that turned out badly, but 2,000 years later evangelicals wish to fulfill Christ's goal of gaining control of the modern secular superpower...

Jimmy Carter was the first "born again" president, but disappointed evangelicals by confessing his sins to a "skin" magazine (rather than to Rosalyn or to his accountability group) and quaffing Billy Beer. So the evangelical community threw it's support behind an army of divorced Republicans (you know, Republicans, the "sanctity of marriage" party) - Ronald Reagan, Dick Armey, Phil Gramm, John Engler, John McCain, Bob Dole, Pete Wilson, John Kasich, Susan Molinari, and Newt Gingrich - who at least understood that the Bible allows for divorce if your staff assistant is cuter (see Matthew 5:31). As a group, these politicians came to represent America's Moral Majority...

...Here is how evangelicals interpret Bible passages to arrive at their [political] positions:

"Remember the poor" (Galatians 2:10) really means "Remember how lazy the poor are and thank God you're not on welfare like them."

"My kingdom is not of this world." (Jesus in John 18:36) really means "But for now, make sure you keep control of the White House and Congress."

"Give to Caesar what is Caesar's, and to God what is God's" (Jesus in Matthew 22:21) really means "Only pay taxes on money you can't hide from the IRS."

"Thou shalt not kill" (God in Exodus 20:13) really means "Kill only those who deserve it - like death row inmates, abortion doctors, sworn enemies of the United States, and the French, when possible."

"The Lord God placed the man in the Garden of Eden to tend and care for it" (Genesis 2:!5) really means "Don't worry about the environment because when Jesus comes back he'll destroy the earth anyway."

From A Guide To Evangelicals and Their Habitat.

True or not? Well if you're laughing it probably is to some extent.


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