No Alarms & No Surprises

Over a year ago I gave away the award for 'The World's Biggest Douche" to Rush Limbaugh for accusing Michael J. Fox of faking and exaggerating his Parkinson's symptoms to garner sympathy for stem-cell research legislation. Today, he has been trumped. So much so that I believe that douchebag is inadequate to describe this rare specimen of humanity's sheer "doucheatude." So today I not-so-proudly declare the dishonorable Republican congressman from California, Rep. Darrell Issa, "The World's Biggest Fucktard," and here is why:

Congressman: Tim Russert Would’ve Wanted Us To Drill

"This afternoon, the House of Representatives took up a resolution honoring the life of Tim Russert. Following speeches by several speakers who issued heartfelt condolences, Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA) brazenly exploited Russert’s death by cynically transitioning his own remarks into yet another push for more domestic oil drilling:" [Think Progress]

ISSA: We are going to miss Tim Russert when it comes to the people on both sides of the issue of why we have $5 oil — $5 gasoline and $135 oil. I think Tim Russert would have been just the right guy to hold people accountable, who would talk about the 68 million acres that are, quote, inactive, while in fact 41 million are under current lease and use and are producing millions of barrels of oil and natural gas a day. […]

So, Madam Speaker, I am going to miss Tim Russert because this debate is too important not to have a fact-oriented, unbiased moderator who could in fact bring to bear the truth that we need to have.

Apparently, Issa’s heart is overcome with fondness for Big Oil. So in honor of Issa's major award I think we should apply this fun little game of attributing beliefs to people posthumously to other famous dead folks. Following Rep. Issa's example, here's some good starting points for your own wildly inappropriate and untimely ways to push your point of view:

"I think we should rid the world of the gayz and muzzlims, that's what Helen Keller would have wanted."
"There are too many mexicans in this country... Franklin Roosevelt wouldn't have stood for this. [oh wait, he couldn't have stood for anything, well he certainly wouldn't have wheeled up for this.]"
"The best thing to do is strike Iran before they strike us, it's what the little 8lb 6oz infant Jesus would have done."

Now you try! Who knows, maybe you'll be a winner too.


Other shameful Rep. Issa moments can be found here.