Monday, February 27, 2006

I see a theme "emerging" here

In keeping with my other links to subcultural skewering, I thought you might all enjoy this little parody product. Visit here to see the full page.

With Mega Church (the game) you can be the god of your own church to worship the other big guy the way you want!

Here's a few of the exciting features they listed:

  • Pastor a simulated church and create your own Christian empire
  • Hire and fire staff and deal with idiots, naive volunteers, and denominational egos
  • Attract fickle unchurched people with Bingo, revival meetings or fasting--it is all up to you!
  • Select a pre-loaded community
    • Xurban or suburban church plant (for those who want it easy)
    • Inner-city, multi-ethnic 80 year old church with 50 members and $1 million mortgage debt (for those who really want a challenge)
  • Choose a denomination (Lutheran, Catholic, Baptist, Pentecostal plus many more obscure factions and a brand new emergent plug-in)
  • Implement the latest ministry fad
  • Earn points with God by winning souls for Christ
  • With network play enabled, you can steal members from other churches and earn points just like you saved them yourself. The possibilities are endless! To grow your church, work on all the strategic variables,
  • Write a mission statement
  • Hire a professional worship musician
  • Book a rock band
  • Buy plasma television for your PowerPoint presentations
  • Prayer, study and preparation get thrown in there too--and the mysterious will of God!
Finally, the makers add.... Do it all without a degree, license or even the Bible! Just like Joel Osteen.

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Friday, February 24, 2006

This is fun:

Welcome to the EQ test, a preview of the Field Guide to Evangelicals and Their Habitat by Joel Kilpatrick, available March 14 in bookstores. Before reading the Field Guide, it will be useful to determine how evangelical you are:

1. In the last election you:
a. Made your homepage.
b. Listened carefully to both candidates’ positions.
c. Tithed to the Bush campaign.

2. Your children attend school:
a. at the local public school.
b. at a private school.
c. in your living room.

3. You think “backslide” is:
a. A country dance step.
b. A type of alcoholic drink.
c. A sinful state of non-belief.

4. If someone says “See you here, there or in the air,” you know they mean:
a. “I’d like to see you hanged.”
b. “Let’s get together on our next business trip.”
c. “See you at church, in heaven or at the Rapture.”

5. Your car bumper sticker reads
a. Pro-Child, Pro-Choice
b. My child is an honor student
c. My boss is a Jewish carpenter

6. The last time you raised your hands was:
a. During an encounter with the law.
b. On a roller coaster.
c . During praise and worship.

7. Prominently displayed in your living room is:
a. Your vacation shot glass collection.
b. An expensive piece of modern sculpture.
c. A Thomas Kinkade painting the size of a child’s swimming pool.

8. The last time you read the Bible was:
a. At your aunt’s memorial service.
b. When you were bored in a hotel room.
c . Five minutes ago.

9. You hope heaven is like:
a. The Summer of ’69.
b. A non-stop rave.
c. A gated, Republican community.

10. Before each meal you:
a. Have a stiff drink.
b. Say grace.
c. Give an altar call for your family.

11. The last time you were in a bar, it was to:
a. Pay your tab.
b. See the guys.
c. Hang posters for an evangelistic crusade.

12. You greet your friends by saying:
a. “Where’s the money you owe me?”
b. “How’s it hanging?”
c. “Blessings, brother.”

13. When another driver cuts you off in traffic, you:
a. Give him the finger.
b. Take down his license plate number.
c. Pray for his salvation.

14. On your last vacation you:
a. Got drunk in Cancun.
b. Gambled in Vegas.
c. Built a church in Ecuador.

15. You think Wal-Mart is:
a. A greedy corporation.
b. A downscale place for cheap goods.
c. An extension of your local mega-church.

Congratulations on finishing the EQ test! Award yourself
0 points for every “a” answer,
5 points for every “b” answer
10 points for every “c” answer.

125-150 points Very evangelical.
75-124 Somewhat evangelical.
25-74 Backslidden.
0-24 Unsaved.

taken from

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Thursday, February 16, 2006

Holy Crap!

It's Divine Vinyl at a great site called Purgatorio!

here's a little sample of what awesomeness you can expect (make sure to go onto page 2 of the site to experience the total awesomeness):

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Friday, February 10, 2006

Back By Popular Demand


Here's a little segment I like to call...

Kanye West On:

Kanye on Humility and Accolades

"After I finished with 'Jesus Walks' two weeks later I walk around with it and you can't tell me it's not hot. f#@$ you and your stupid ass ratings. Anybody who gives my album less than a perfect score is lowering the integrity of their own magazine. So either be a part of history or become it."

"I’m rappin’ now. Anybody who ain’t respecting me as an artist right now, might as well just bash their heads into the wall just for being stupid. I say, just kill yourself ‘cuz if not, it’s gonna kill you for how much you about to hear me."

"I do not apologize to Dick Clark or the AMAs because you should not have had me perform and have me nominated for so many awards but not have an award," he said. "I'm one of those guys that's like all new artists, `Oh, I just believe that everything is on the up-and-up' and now I see with some of those other awards shows that it's not."

"I feel I was definitely robbed, I was the best new artist this year, so get that other bullshit out of here (referring to Gretchen Wilson). I don't know if I'll be back at this award show next year."

"I still think I am the greatest." - Accepting the Billboard Music Award for Artist of the Year.

"I Make black history every day, I don't need a month." - Brand New , 2005

SANTA MONICA, California — So what if the Grammy nominations haven't been announced? Kanye West is enraged anyway.

"College Dropout Kanye Tells High School Students Not To Follow In His Footsteps"), the rapper spouted to MTV News backstage about predictions he'd heard that his Late Registration LP would be a likely contender for Album of the Year — but wouldn't win because of West's tendency to run his mouth (particularly his comment that "George Bush doesn't care about black people").

"If I don't win Album of the Year, I'm gonna really have a problem with that," said West. "I can never talk myself out of [winning], you know why? Because I put in the work. I don't care if I jumped up and down right now on the couch like Tom Cruise. I don't care what I do, I don't care how much I stunt — you can never take away from the amount of work I put into it. So I don't wanna hear all of that politically correct stuff. You put the camera in front of me, I'm gonna tell you like this. I worked hard to get here. I put my love, I put my heart, I put my money [into Late Registration]. I'm $600,000 in the hole right now on that album and you tell me about being politically incorrect?

"People love these songs," he continued. "You talk to somebody whose grandmother just died and listens to 'Roses,' and you tell me about being politically incorrect. I'm talking about history. I never got five mics [top rating] in The Source, I never got five stars from Vibe. They said it's not a classic. So 'Jesus Walks' is not a classic? 'Roses' is not a classic? 'Gold Digger' wasn't song of the year? 'Oh, but Kanye, you can't say that.' Why? Who are you? I don't know you."

West mocked artists who "love everybody except themselves," calling it "cliché media training." He also made it clear he's not planning to shut up anytime soon.

"I said I was the face of the Grammys last year. I'm 10 times that [this year]," West said. "Get your cameras ready. Two things: Do not let me get up on that stage and do not let me get up on that stage. Either way, we going crazy!"

The Grammy nominees will be announced on Thursday, and the ceremony is scheduled for February 8 in Los Angeles.

Last fall, West attacked the American Music Awards backstage at the event after losing Best New Artist to Gretchen Wilson. That tantrum made West a focus at the Grammys in February, where he was the leading nominee (with 10) and won three awards, including Best Rap Album for The College Dropout and Best Rap Song for "Jesus Walks" (see "Kanye Steals The Show, But Ray Dominates Grammy Winners' Circle"). In Sunday's Los Angeles Times, critic Robert Hilburn wrote that the Recording Academy, which organizes the Grammys and is considered by some to be late in recognizing new artists, could reclaim credibility this year by giving West the Album of the Year. There was no mention of West's rants.

Also on Monday, West revealed the next single from Late Registration will be "Touch the Sky," whi
ch in some ways is a response to his critics.

"'Touch the Sky' is what my life is about, it's what this year's been about," he said. "To anyone that feels like something is so far away, [the song is] just the concept of actually being able to leap above the environment that you're in. All the naysayers and the haters and people say, 'You'll never make it that far, you'll never make it out of this town, we'll call you,' and all those things, and finally you get the opportunity to touch the sky. That's what this year's about, so no matter what they give to me or try to take from me, there's nothing you can take from me. We've already touched the sky.

"With or without any accolades, whatever it is, the fact that people listen to this music and it's connected with people, the fact that you see fans crying in the audience — you can't tell me anything after that because there's so many places and establishments where people are out of touch," he continued. "When someone hear
s your song and cries, then you're in touch and that's what matters. At that point, you feel like you've touched the sky."


"No disrespect, but I feel that I should win. The hardest part is that me and Mariah are up there together because our votes could cancel each other out," he said. "I need to use the Jedi mind trick, you know, when you're eating a sandwich and someone says, 'Yo, I'm hungry,' and you say, 'Well, I would give you the other half, but then I would still be hungry, so why not just let me eat?' So Mariah, let me get some and we can celebrate together.

"There's people that think I don't have respect for the Grammys, but in fact I have total respect for them," he added. "In fact I used the Grammys as the muse for my album. [Producer] Jon Brion and I were in the studio saying, 'We're making the Album of the Year!' "

"I've been here two years in a row, and if I don't win it's fixin' to be a problem."

"In America, they want you to accomplish these great feats, to pull off these David Copperfield-type stunts," he says. "You want me to be great, but you don't ever want me to say I'm great?"

West also says his hit song "Gold Digger" was the best song last year and that it should have been nominated for the Grammy's best rap song category: "That's a gimme Grammy."


Kayne on AIDS

"I would rather take that chance because it's important for my people. The concept of AIDS alone - my parents always told me, who are activists - that it's a man-made disease in the first place that 'tha man' placed in Africa just like crack was placed in the black community to break up the Black Panther party."

"So if there's anything that I can do to somehow continue that fight for equality, injustice, for a better way for my people, being that I am an African-American, then I got to do what I can do." - Kanye at Live8


Kanye on Katrina Relief

After admitting that he went shopping before donating, but that "my business manager is looking into how much he can give."

Kanye followed with: "I hate the way they portray us in the media. You see a black family, it says, 'They're looting.' You see a white family, it says, 'They're looking for food.' And, you know, it's been five days waiting for federal help because most of the people are black."

While allowing that, "the Red Cross is doing everything they can," West _ who delivered an emotional outburst at the American Music Awards after he was snubbed for an award _ declared that government authorities are intentionally dragging their feet on aid to the Gulf Coast. Without getting specific, he added, "They've given them (the National Guard) permission to go down and shoot us."

After he stated, "George Bush doesn't care about black people"


Kanye on other humanitarian crises

"Good Morning, this ain't Vietnam, still
People lose hands, legs, arms, fo' real
Little was known on Sierra Leone
And how it connect to the diamonds we own

When I speak of diamonds in this song
I ain't talkin 'bout the ones that be glowin

I'm talkin 'bout Roc-a-Fella, my home
My chain, this ain't conflict diamonds
Is they Jacob? Don't lie to me, man
People askin me is I'm gon' give my chain back
That'll be the same day I give the game back"


Kanye on Christianity

We rappers is role models, we rap we don't think
I ain't here to argue about his facial features
Or here to convert atheists into believers
I'm just trying to say the way school need teachers
The way Kathy Lee needed Regis that's the way I need Jesus

- excerpt from "Jesus Walks"



Cocky rap star, Kanye West, is calling for a revised edition of THE BIBLE, because he thinks he should be a character in it.

The JESUS WALKS hitmaker, who picked up three Grammy Awards last night (08FEB06), feels sure he'd be "a griot" (West African storyteller) in a modern Bible.

He says, "I bring up historical subjects in a way that makes kids want to learn about them. I'm an inspirational speaker.

"I changed the sound of music more than one time... For all those reasons, I'd be a part of the Bible. I'm definitely in the history books already."


Just for fun (Miscellaneous Kanye Quotes):

"That's one of the best things that can happen to a rapper - to almost die. TUPAC, 50 CENT and now me." - KANYE WEST remembers how a near-fatal car crash helped launch his career.

"Please don't download, because I want to get a pool in my second home."


bonus feature:
Kanye's Momma on Kanye

"I am a fan of 50 Cent, Ludacris, Eminem. I even like Chingy. But I really haven't been as impressed by their lyrics as I am by Kanye's. I mean, Kanye has a way of putting a unique twist to things. [On 'Through the Wire'] he doesn't say, 'Thank God I ain't too cool for the safety belt.' He says, 'Thank God I ain't too cool for the safe belt.' I just think it's so brilliant."

In conclusion:

"Kanye West courts controversy by dressing up as Jesus. Who does he think he is....

...Bono? - Stephen Colbert

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Thursday, February 09, 2006

Single Greatest Thing Ever to Happen to Procrastination

... and Behold! The greatest thing that's ever happened to me.

...and this.

...ok, this one could be better.

I wish I had made these:

that is all...for now,
carry on.


Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Shelby Bottoms Park - Day Hike

I love this greenway park in the marshy tree-lined lows along the banks of the Cumberland in East Nashville, especially on a day like this in winter. A lot of people are bored by photos of landscape, but I typically prefer them and would seriously love some feedback on these shots.

a bit of fun and a thanks for reading down this far

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Monday, February 06, 2006

First Annual Blood:Water Mission Banquet

"Neil makes me laugh though, because, you know, it's his interfering, it's his timing. Going on about he wants some report doing - it's Red Nose Day! You know. Ooh, what's more important: you, Neil, with your report, or some starving children? Oh, I dunno. Oh, what would Lenny Henry say? I think we know. Imagine him going out of the door on Comic Relief day and Dawn French is going 'Where you going, you haven't done the washing up. You haven't put the rubbish out.' 'DO IT YOURSELF, I'VE GOTTA SAVE SOME AFRICANS!'." - david brent
Seriously, I just went for the food though. What Jena doesn't know is that she was actually my first "real" friend in Nashville as well. I can't stand the rest of these idiots.

Myself, Aaron, Collin with his beardy-beard and Elizabeth all the way from CA.

I must have said something witty.

Yea! Julie came!

Little known fact: Julie's head is really that much bigger than the rest of ours.

It only cost me $20 for this pic with the Jars guys, but they wouldn't sign it. They're real snobs you know (jena even charged me $5).

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