Friday, April 24, 2009

We'll build that border fence now.

Wonkette : Texas Secession Movement Gaining Momentum, With the Rest of America

Fine, Austin is “okay.” And lightly populated West Texas is very nice, what with Big Bend National Park and the Mexican town of El Paso and whatever, as it’s really part of the Southwest. But Texas, that dipshit dismal swamp between, oh, Dallas and Corpus Christi, where the vast majority of the Texans live? It’s just the fucking South. A dumb, toxic shithole that produces little more than incredible assholes, many of whom then insist on taking part in American life. The last “good” Texan in politics was LBJ, and he was a goddamned monster. So, here is the new commercial. Good-bye, Texas! Thanks for all the laffs. (You can take the rest of the South with you.)

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Thursday, April 23, 2009

Melancholy and the 100 days of media sadness

The Worst Media Moment of Obama's
First 100 Days


The first 100 days of the Obama administration are coming to a close, and there has certainly been no shortage of unhinged and outrageous media moments.

From Rush Limbaugh saying that "we are being told to bend over and grab the ankles ... because his father is black," to Glenn Beck imitating President Obama pouring gasoline on an "average American," conservatives in the media have wasted no time in stoking a culture of paranoia with extreme, vitriolic, and often irresponsible rhetoric.

VOTE for the worst moment at

I'm debating between voting for one of these gems:
  • Beck leaving an SUV idling outside his studio during his show to "do [his] part for global warming" after his cohort claimed Al Gore looks stupid for insisting on climate change when there is snow on the ground in NYC in winter.
  • Beck pouring gas on another Fox anchor to demonstrate his feeling that Obama is setting the average American on fire.
  • Limbaugh telling us that we're allowing ourselves to be anally raped because of White guilt.
  • Santelli's inane and hypocritical rant from the trading floor.

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Thursday, April 16, 2009

Now — heretofore — til Judgment Day,

'The Drunken Driver Has the Right Of Way'

The loudest have the final say,
The wanton win, the rash hold sway,
The realist's rules of order say
The drunken driver has the right of way.

The Kubla Khan can butt in line;
The biggest brute can take what's mine;
When heavyweights break wind, that's fine;
No matter what a judge might say,
The drunken driver has the right of way.

The guiltiest feel free of guilt;
Who care not, bloom; who worry, wilt;
Plans better laid are rarely built
For forethought seldom wins the day;
The drunken driver has the right of way.

The most attentive and unfailing
Carefulness is unavailing
Wheresoever fools are flailing;
Wisdom there is held at bay; The drunken driver has the right of way.

De jure is de facto's slave;
The most foolhardy beat the brave;
Brass routs restraint; low lies high's grave;
When conscience leads you, it's astray;
The drunken driver has the right of way.

It's only the naivest who'll
Deny this, that the reckless rule;
When facing an oncoming fool
The practiced and sagacious say
Watch out — one side — look sharp — gang way.

However much you plan and pray,
Alas, alack, tant pis, oy vey,
Now — heretofore — til Judgment Day,
The drunken driver has the right of way.

Excerpted from 'The Drunken Driver Has The Right Of Way' by Ethan Coen. Excerpted by permission of Crown Publishing Group/Random House.

"You are part of a league of morons. Oh, yes. You see, you're one of the morons I've been fighting my whole life." - osbourne cox

"It's not getting any smarter out there. You have to come to terms with stupidity, and make it work for you." - Frank Zappa


Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Oh it's healing bang, bang, bang

I like the sweet life
and the silence
But it's the storm that I believe in

A little late for Easter, but I had intended to post a reflection. So I picked two holy sonnets of sorts. The above from The Cardigans and below from John Donne.

"Batter my heart, three-person'd God ; for you
As yet but knock ; breathe, shine, and seek to mend ;
That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force, to break, blow, burn, and make me new.
I, like an usurp'd town, to another due,
Labour to admit you, but O, to no end.
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captived, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain,
But am betroth'd unto your enemy ;
Divorce me, untie, or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me."

- [ "Holy Sonnet XIV"]

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Saturday, April 11, 2009

The Rodeo Clown & A Persecuted Majority

- Glenn Beck is feeling so disenfranchised by Obama that he feels the President is shooting in the head or setting on fire the "average American" so he demonstrates while lecturing the President on "sanity." What follows is the most insane thing I have ever seen on Fox News and that's saying a lot.

“I’m a rodeo clown. It takes great skill." - Glenn Beck

Mr. Beck’s success “is a product of the collapse of conservatism as an organized political force, and the rise of conservatism as an alienated cultural sensibility.”

“It’s a show for people who feel they belong to an embattled minority that is disenfranchised and cut off." - David Frum
[NY Times: "Fox New's Mad, Apocalyptic, Tearful Rising Star"]

[Gawker: "David Frum: 'What the Hell is Going on at Fox News?'"]

To suggest as Beck does that white Republicans are "alienated," "embattled" and "disenfranchised" is so laughably delusional and disgusting that you have to chuckle to keep from crying. The very idea that someone like Beck is being disenfranchised or persecuted and is some how a voice for the voiceless is so ostensibly offensive that it would be hard to even deal with if not for the fact that the "rodeo clowns" playing these roles do so willingly and without remorse fueling the fire from those that would fall prey to and identify with such ideas.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c
Moment of Zen - Glenn Beck Cries
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Economic CrisisPolitical Humor

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
The 10.31 Project
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorNASA Name Contest

UPDATE: Beck announces his own comedy tour. You can't make this stuff up.

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