Best Feud on Paultards Joke Yet...

Have it your way: Ron Paul must go! Or, Ron Paul rules!

Because we always try to please our readers here on The Ticket, we have a special two-for-one offer today that, for a change, is worth exactly what you paid for it. (Ron Paul fans can just skip to the second part of this item):

1) Wonkette, the D.C.-based gossip website, has an absolutely hilarious item up now on Chris Peden, a small-town city councilman in Texas who's running a well-funded Republican House primary campaign to oust Rep. Ron Paul. Peden you've never heard of. Paul you know as a perennial loser in recent Republican presidential primaries around the country, running behind even Mike Huckabee as a Libertarian-like, antiwar, anti-government, pro-Constitution candidate, whom Fox News deemed not good enough for a prime-time debate.

With the headline "Kick Ron Paul Out of Congress," Wonkette shows total disregard for the wrath of Paulunteers who've earned a well-deserved reputation for militancy in devotion to their 72-year-old candidate, both in terms of campaigning and wasting their hard-earned money by fueling the former OB/GYN's hopeless presidential run in state after state.

Yes, he got some second places in a few caucuses. But while he was speaking to large and small crowds in wonderful places such as Iowa and New Hampshire, people back in Texas' 14th Congressional District, such as Peden, were wondering what's in it for them?

Wonkette, with no pretense of objectivity, heartily endorses Peden and describes him as "a tall, handsome, charming young conservative with a fluent command of local issues from NASA to rice farming, and whose easy demeanor and embrace of English-only legislation will thrill all but the most hardened liberals."

The site even sent a special correspondent to the Texas district near Houston and publishes a number of photographs of Peden campaigning. The site describes Paul this way: "To most American political fanatics, Ron Paul is just a goofy hobbit whose hilariously doomed online presidential campaign provided standout entertainment in a year that offered a wealth of hilariously doomed campaigns.

"But to many of his constituents in Texas Congressional District 14, Ron Paul is just a blame-America-first attention whore who completely ignores the people who put him in office."

Wonkette also points that Peden points out that over Paul's 10 terms in Congress, he has introduced 351 pieces of legislation. Only six ever came out of committee and zero have passed into law. Every term, Paul just reintroduces the same doomed bills, Wonkette says.

The website also refers to Paul's challenger as "Future Congressman Peden."

-- Andrew Malcolm

Ron Paulunteers start here

2) The notoriously irresponsible satirical website Wonkette has launched a completely unprovoked attack on Rep. Ron Paul, the 10-term principled former doctor who stands firmly for a strict interpretation of the Constitution and bringing our boys and girls home from military assignments abroad.

In a complete mockery of professional journalism standards, the biased website publishes an outrageous online article that actually endorses the congressman's challenger in the Texas primary election next Tuesday as part of its "news story." It describes this inexperienced "city councilman" as "handsome" and "charming," as if that should have anything to do with representing the state's 14th Congressional District.

It ignores the congressman's long record of fighting for the rights of his constituents and that every term he continues that fight by introducing the same legislation, more than 350 pieces in total so far . The so-called article doesn't even mention Dr. Paul's Air Force service nor the nearly $20 million of fund-raising success from dedicated donors last quarter in Paul's valiant struggle to downsize an out-of-control federal government that ignores people's rights, the Constitution and invades other countries.

There are no quotes from the good doctor in the article either. It's so typical of the mainstream media's vast left-wing conspiracy to ignore the only Republican candidate to oppose the war and make sense while doing it.

It calls Paul's opponent a "CPA," which stands for Certified Public You-Know-What. The article calls the good doctor, who has delivered 4,000 babies in his career, "a barking loon."

And it says this youngster politician claims to be qualified for Congress because he's delivered one baby, his third child. What is that about?

The Revolution will not be televised!

-- Andrew Malcolm

February 28, 2008 in Campaign Attacks, Campaigning, Humor, Media, Presidential Campaign, Republican Politics, Ron Paul, Silliness, Texas, Weblogs | Permalink

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God, this is disgusting.

from wonkette.com

If We Put Our Hands Together, Will God Make Huckabee President?

Here’s an underreported story about the Republican primary race: Why has God been such a lazy campaigner for his candidate, Mike Huckabee? Sure, God is busy making humans, and the weather, and American foreign policy. But God made a commitment to Mike Huckabee when He endorsed him, and He has been almost as lazy a campaigner as Fred Thompson ever since. Because of this, Huckabee’s supporters are making a last-ditch effort to drag God out onto the campaign trail this Sunday via mass worship. The Pray for Huckabee effort does not mince words: “Join us February 24, 2008 as we pray for God to make a way for Mike Huckabee to become president.”

This canny political move puts the pressure on God, who is up for re-election himself in heaven, against Ronald Reagan, in 2010:

We believe Mike Huckabee is the best option to become president and we’re asking God to make that happen. We’re at a vital part in America’s history and we believe Mike Huckabee is the right man to face the challenges our nation currently faces. We know any time God is brought into the equation, big questions get asked.

Well, that last sentence sure sounds nice. But what does it mean? Fortunately, we have an FAQ’s section where these “big questions” do, in fact, get asked:

Q. Aren’t you shoving your beliefs down our throats?
A. Unless someone has a gun to your head and is forcing you to this site, of course not. And if they have a gun to your head, duck! You’re free to pray or not to pray for Huckabee. You’re free to go post on a blog or message board about how dumb this all seems to you. This is America, you can do that. And we can decide to pray for the guy we like.

Uh… damnit, they beat us to the punch… this all seems very dumb to us?

[Pray for Huckabee]

She who smelt it, dealt it.

Hillary Plagiarizes John Edwards, Bill Clinton

Do you like the “who repeated a two-sentence thing from some other liberal speech” scandal? Then you will love this latest Solid Proof that sometimes Hillary Clinton also cheats by using words spoken in the past by others. Watch how she did it twice tonight.

read more | digg story

Winehouse Beautifully Humanizes Grammy's

Amy, Kanye refresh music's roots

The Grammys provide some random moments for all ages.

By Ann Powers, Los Angeles Times Staff Writer
February 11, 2008
Link to story

FROM the long march of dead and living forebears, to the Aretha-led gospel invocation, to Tom Hanks shouting about the Beatles as if they were running for president -- and on up to the surprise winner for best album, Herbie Hancock's beatification of the Joni Mitchell songbook -- this year's Grammy Awards ceremony Sunday night at Staples Center was all about casting around for belief. Uncertainty permeated this night of nights for major-label pop, as its makers sought a way forward in what can only be described as a fog.

In the end, two beacons stood out, demanding a choice: Should music lovers get behind the earnest showbiz convictions of its young alpha queen, Alicia Keys, who now completely owns the pop glamour role once held by Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey? Or dare they invest in the tattered dramatic realism of Amy Winehouse, whose poignant midrehab performance followed in the unpredictable tradition of rock 'n' roll?

Kanye West offered a third path, highlighting his genre-defiant collaboration with the French electronic duo Daft Punk in a live performance that was typically stylish and surreal. But he didn't own this night, even though he won four Grammys and gave one great speech, managing to shush the get-offstage music to pay proper tribute to his recently deceased mother. West's confidence is almost singular among today's major artists; he knows where he's going, no matter what happens around him. Others are less certain about whether to passionately pursue showbiz or to invest in something riskier and more raw.

The show's producers put their trust in both women. Keys opened the evening, sitting at the piano and dueting awkwardly with a hologram of Frank Sinatra (one would have hoped Celine Dion's weird dance with the shadow Elvis during last season's "Idol Gives Back" gala would have killed off this idea) and later delivering her massive hit "No One" with the bellowing fervor her many fans so admire.

Her real gift, however, is for craft and polish, for selling feeling in a package so graceful and well-measured that it utterly convinces. She represents the best outcome for pop as defined by "American Idol," country music and theatrical reworkings such as the soundtrack winner, Cirque du Soleil's Beatles tribute "Love." With her biracial mix of hip-hop and rock influences, she's a model for the mainstream in a globally minded America.

Winehouse is obviously an iffier proposition. Beamed in by satellite from a London soundstage decorated speak-easy style, she pushed her way through two songs from "Back to Black," the album that won her five statues (her creative partner Mark Ronson also won for producer of the year). Off-key at times, her drawled syllables sometimes veering uncomfortably close to blackface, she nonetheless was the most exciting performer of the evening. Her desperation to do well was palpably human, and her delivery was a gamble -- a harder push, and a more electric one, than you usually see during a staged event like the Grammys. Cheering like a punk rocker when she won record of the year, Winehouse stood for all the rough-and-ready strivers who made popular music a rebel's sport -- and who still make it interesting in the margins, where the Grammys mostly only go off-camera.

She had companions this evening -- in fellow best-new-artist nominee Feist, whose handcrafted chamber pop also provided warmth amid the evening's glitz; in Grammy pioneer Keely Smith, who showed her wacky humor despite being saddled with collaborators Kid Rock and Dave Koz; and in Tina Turner, whose rasp is for the ages, and who, at 68, dared to wear skin-tight silver lamé.

The academy, however, is mostly on Keys' side. From Carrie Underwood classily mimicking Nancy Sinatra to Beyoncé slicking up Tina's style while onstage with her, the night's superstars threw in their lot with pop's razzle-dazzle masquerade. Even those old punks the Foo Fighters continued their upmarket trick of playing with a mini-orchestra.

But the classic soul that Winehouse reinterprets points toward another way -- an investment in the immediacy and daring that turned pop into a movement during the era she mines.No matter what the numbers are, music always burns brightest when telling stories and capturing feelings we urgently need to share.

For all her over-discussed troubles, Winehouse is a force for that connectedness, and she deserved to be celebrated Sunday night. "Camden town is burning, burning down, burning down!" she shouted upon winning, referring to a real fire that ravaged her native London over the weekend. But she might have been talking about the fire she's delivered, one that we can only hope will spread.

The Revolution will not be televised...wait, it never was!

freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose...
[from wonkette.com]

Ron Paul Basically Gives Up

It is a tragic day for the Ron Paul ReLOVEution or whatever they call it. Late Friday night, Dr. Congressman Ron Paul posted a letter to his fans basically saying it’s over, but he will continue talking about his message, and plus it would be completely embarrassing for him if he also lost his congressional seat. Gather the children and vodka so we can mourn the American Revolution that was lost.

The note was posted at 10:14 p.m., probably Central Time. It starts with an old-fashioned freedom-loving salutation (“Whoa!”) and ends with an angry attack on the very hippies (“socialists”) who elevated him from another nobody right-winger congressman running a quixotic presidential campaign to a hilarious national Internet fad.

Here’s the message:

Whoa! What a year this has been. And what achievements we have had. If I may quote Trotsky of all people, this Revolution is permanent. It will not end at the Republican convention. It will not end in November. It will not end until we have won the great battle on which we have embarked. Not because of me, but because of you. Millions of Americans — and friends in many other countries — have dedicated themselves to the principles of liberty: to free enterprise, limited government, sound money, no income tax, and peace. We will not falter so long as there is one restriction on our persons, our property, our civil liberties. How much I owe you. I can never possibly repay your generous donations, hard work, whole-hearted dedication and love of freedom. How blessed I am to be associated with you. Carol, of course, sends her love as well.

Let me tell you my thoughts. With Romney gone, the chances of a brokered convention are nearly zero. But that does not affect my determination to fight on, in every caucus and primary remaining, and at the convention for our ideas, with just as many delegates as I can get. But with so many primaries and caucuses now over, we do not now need so big a national campaign staff, and so I am making it leaner and tighter. Of course, I am committed to fighting for our ideas within the Republican party, so there will be no third party run. I do not denigrate third parties — just the opposite, and I have long worked to remove the ballot-access restrictions on them. But I am a Republican, and I will remain a Republican.

I also have another priority. I have constituents in my home district that I must serve. I cannot and will not let them down. And I have another battle I must face here as well. If I were to lose the primary for my congressional seat, all our opponents would react with glee, and pretend it was a rejection of our ideas. I cannot and will not let that happen.

In the presidential race and the congressional race, I need your support, as always. And I have plans to continue fighting for our ideas in politics and education that I will share with you when I can, for I will need you at my side. In the meantime, onward and upward! The neocons, the warmongers, the socialists, the advocates of inflation will be hearing much from you and me.

Sincerely,

Ron

Jesus, so that’s all you people get for donating $30+ million?

Message From Dr. Paul [Ron Paul 2008]

------------------------------------------------------
My favorite part of the concession:

"We will not falter so long as there is one restriction on our persons, our property, our civil liberties." Really? Yes, Satan? gross.

Ok, but here's the real story: The hilarity ensues on the ron paul forums...

From the forums:

"Call me a conspiracy nut but I think by the time 2012 comes we'll be living under martial law, that's why Ron Paul gave me hope. Now it's time to prepare to go to South America I think. I would fight but I have a daughter and I don't want to put her in danger. So until an armed revolution succeeds her, I'll be leaving." - Christagious

"Agree. Some people look to 2012 but i don't think our civil liberties will last that long. Look at how effective the MSM and the Machine have been so far as silencing the Message. Think they are going to let it get this far next time? There is already so much talk about shutting down free speech on the internet so they won't have to deal with it during the next election. Alas, we should still fight on. Too much is at stake." - bruno1969

"I understand. I felt like this was our last shot to avoid martial law. I can't leave, but if you can get out before Hitlery takes over then it's best to do so. May God go with you. And may God have mercy on those of us who have to remain." - patriot4paul

[thanks to Christy for finding these gems]

Goodbye Paul. I leave you with this....

"Sure, he's ruled out Third Party but what about Second Life?"

love for jenny lewis

Well you praise him
Then you thank him
'Til you reach the by-and-by
Then you kiss his lips
He forgives you for it
He forgives you for all you've done
But not me
I'm still angry

What have I done?
Why am I always missing
The big guns?

First I'll build a sword
Get some words to explain
It's a plan, brother, at least
And I'll pretend that everybody here wants peace

Have mercy, have mercy
Have mercy on me
Cause we're tired and lonely
And we're bloody

What have we done?
Why are we still running from our own failing bodies?
The big guns...

Sing mercy, sing mercy
Sing mercy on me
Let's pretend that everybody here wants peace

What have we done?
Why are we still chasing our own tails?
The big guns...

[jenny lewis]

Roberta McCain Admits No One Likes Her Son, Continues to Live

HILARIOUS!

Story via Wonkette
11:57 AM ON FRI JAN 25 2008
BY JIM NEWELL

"John McCain made the brilliant decision to let his batshit crazy 95-year-old mother, Roberta, go on the teevee again — probably unmedicated — and say some more senile old lady things. For this, we applaud him. Last time we heard from the oldest lady in the world, she criticized Mitt Romney for being a Mormon, and we laughed! This time she says that no one likes her son and that she has no idea what she’s talking about. God, this woman never misses the mark!

Here’s MOMNUTS! on C-Span:

Steve Scully: This is a political question in terms of how he gets the nomination, but just from what you have seen, how much support do you think he has among the base of the Republican Party?

Roberta McCain: I don’t think he has any. I don’t know what the base of the Repub—maybe I don’t know enough about it, but I’ve not seen any help whatsoever.

Scully: So can he then go on and become the nominee of this party?

McCain: Yes, I think holding their nose they’re going to have to take him.

Scully: Can you explain?

McCain: Well, everything they’ve done and said. … Now I’m really popping off, but he worked like a dog to get Bush re-elected. …He’s backed Bush in everything except Rumsfeld. Have you heard other senators and congressmen backing Bush over eight years? Find me it—give me a name. I’ve not seen any public recognition of the work that he’s done for the Republican party.

So she manages to say that Republicans hate her son, that they’ll have to take him even though they hate him, that he’s a big fan of Bush — more than ANYONE EVER — and that she has absolutely no evidence or reason to support any of this. But it’s all true!"

McCain’s Mom Pops Off [Daily Dish]